It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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