So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
