Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
