WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
