Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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