Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
