He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
