I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
