I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize