At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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