i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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