I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
