Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
