An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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