it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
