Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
