dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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