wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
