she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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