No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
