ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
