my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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