I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
