So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
