Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
