I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
