We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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