his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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