everyone is single if you try hard enough
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
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