I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
