What a fucking waste of an outfit
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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