My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
