love makes seman taste better
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
