You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
