...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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