If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
