piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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