I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
