No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We're too hungover to prance.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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