I am puke
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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