she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
