Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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