if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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