I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
