the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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