She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
