i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My Sexting was not on an AP level
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
