Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
