I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
