ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
