I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
