Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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