I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
