my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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