between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
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congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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