They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
