No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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