My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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