so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
