What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
