god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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