I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I love you.
Bad choice
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